Full moons always mess with my mind. No matter how beautiful that eclipse was, I’m glad it’s all OVER! 

Did anyone else feel…bad off…last night? Or was that just me?

I am. I’m fighting depression/anxiety really bad. It sucks.

Sadly, I discovered my cat has been having seizures. I was about to go to bed when I remembered about the moon so I jumped up and took my dog with me to take a look. We came back inside and I settled in only to have my emotionless brother inform me that my cat was seizing…this after having had put a puppy down for severe seizures. Out of everything in the world, he had to develop seizures. I can’t handle this at all, I’m leaving out of state for awhile and he’s sick and now I have to try and rehome him so he gets the full attention and medical care he needs. My cat. My baby girl’s son. My darling boy’s son. I raised him and his sister after my cat’s accidental pregnancy. She had two, two of the fattest healthiest little ones the vet said she had ever seen. And now he’s gotten seizures while I’m out of work, poor, and leaving states for a few months. I was so happy before I looked at the moon.
I’m so scared of watching him have seizures, now that I know. I was in a dark place when my puppy had seizures. I grew up when I had to make the choice to humanely euthanize him a few months ago. I had never seen him so at peace as before those moments…and now I have to watch my cat go through the horrors of it. I just want to find a sweet old person with time and money to care for my little one. He’s so sad and clingy when I’m gone. I thought I’d be able to go and make a home and come back for all of them but he won’t be waiting for me, not if I want him to have a chance at life.
The worst part about it is if I had money I could help him. I could get him his scans, I could get him medication. But I don’t, I spent everything in my bank for a plane ticket I thought would get us a home.

In middle school, my cousin came to surprise me. I didn’t have my phone so I didn’t know she would be walking to meet me. I went off with some friends to McD’s.

Waking home by herself, a man tried to convince her to get into his car.

The neighbors told her she shouldn’t have been wearing an off the shoulder top, even though we weren’t even teenagers yet. Even though it was nearly summer.

I didn’t understand things like this back then. I thought that they were just off. I thought the world knew it wasn’t her fault.

April 15th, 2014

Sometimes, porn on my dash makes my eyes go wide. Like, how is that suppose to fit there?

April 10, 2014

Cousin’s bf: I never understood why they call non alcoholic drinks virgin.

Me: ‘Cause they’ve never had anything hard in ‘em.

Sometimes, I’m awkwardly funny.

April 1st, 2014

I was just upstairs, waiting for my cousin to get ready so that we could go out. My cousin’s brother was playing a video game and while staring at the screen I started becoming ill. Lately, I’ve been suffering from motion sickness and sometimes vertigo. Anyways, I kind of put my head down and tried to fight the sick feeling and then I heard my cousin’s brother mumble. His video game had come unplugged…but the plug was tucked behind the t.v and he hadn’t pulled on the system…it just randomly came unplugged. I don’t know why I find this so odd. I’m downstairs waiting now since the lights and noise are heightening my sick feeling.

It’s silly but sometimes I feel like there’s someone with me, someone I can’t see. Sometimes I’m scared and sometimes I accept it. Most of the time I think maybe I’m going crazy.